Now that Valentine's day is done, what are some ways to keep expressing and receiving love every day? The answer really depends on what yours and your partners love language is. A couple of years ago, one of my friend’s mom mentioned “languages of love” to me in a random conversation. I was intrigued by this term and I asked her more about it. Turns out it is based on a book she was reading called The Five Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman. After she gave me a brief breakdown, it made a lot of sense.
So, what exactly are these “languages of love”? As per Dr. Chapman, there are five universal ways that people experience and express love in relationships. These five universal ways are what he referred to as languages. Considering that he is been a couple’s counselor for more than three decades of experience, his theories seem very legit.
Dr. Chapman noticed there were recurring patterns and five ways that most couples communicated and expressed love. He observed that most people end up expressing their love in the same way they wanted to receive love. One of my favorite quotes from the book that really resonated with me was this
Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.
The tricky thing about relationships though is that your partner might not have the same love language as you. That sounds like a bummer, but the good news is that you can understand and figure out your partners love language. By doing so, you can increase the empathy, love, and understanding in your relationship. And all this, of course, leads to more happiness.
Let’s dig in and explore what the love languages are and how you can figure out yours, and your loved ones:
Words of affirmation
This language is all about words. People who prefer this language, enjoy hearing compliments and reminders of how much their partners love them. They value hearing about their impact in their significant other’s life and negative comments or unnecessary criticism really hurt them.
This language is all about focus and people who prefer this language, need their partner’s undivided attention to feel loved. Being listened to and having one on one time with their partner is really important to them. They feel really hurt if their partner is constantly distracted or cancels out on date plans.
Attribution: Sheendipity Online Store
This language is all about receiving something tangible that can be held and felt. This doesn’t mean that that person who prefers this language is a gold digger or superficial. It’s just that they enjoy thoughtful presents which make them feel like they were on their partner’s mind, and hence they are loved. For example, a mug reminding them that they are your sunshinewould most likely make their day. It’s also about the effort that goes into getting a gift which makes them feel cherished.
Acts of service
This language is all about actions and receiving help. People who prefer this language want their partner to do things to help them. They believe that love is communicated through lending a helping hand for example chores around the home or anything that makes their life easier. They feel really hurt about broken promises and strongly dislike it if they have to constantly clean up after someone.
This language is all about the physical connections. People who prefer this language feel valued when they are held, hugged or kissed. Something as simple as hand holding means a lot to them. Positive touch makes them feel safe and loved.
The thing is even if you prefer a specific language, it doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy the other ways of expressing love. The same goes for your partner, figuring out what they prefer but still aiming to express love in different ways is one of the keys to a healthy and happy relationship. Now that you know more about the languages of love, you can take a quiz here to find out exactly what works best for you.
Ps: Please comment, share and subscribe below :) Thank you!
- Shareefa Sayyid
Founder of Sheendipity